I cried last night. I am not crazy or what, suddenly cry like that.
As usual i play Chris Botti’s song around 11 pm so that i can sleep better. Then i had this urge of crying... It just came like that.
During that time, there were thoughts of ending my life, but neh, i won’t resort to that. This is stupid action. I won’t do that. Mainly i was thinking about my life.
” Why am i here? What am i here for?”
“I am a loner. I don’t have a partner/soul mate/lover. I don’t have a partner that i can whine to. A lover whom I’d call boyfriend.”
The 3 'wan tan'
“I just want to be like other ordinary people out there with a lover. Though i may be not normal in other eyes.”
“After been through the hard way, will it guarantee i will have better life?”
This reminds me not to cry again for the same reason...
“I can’t even see my future in this course. Will i have one?”
“I don’t know whether i can cross this hurdle anymore?”
Those were the words i muttered out during the crying session. A lot of questions, i know. These were doubts in me. I don’t know whether i will find answers to the above questions?
All i can do is that I’ll be God-fearing and pray hard to find happiness for me. And i still have to fight for my own happiness right?
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