In The Absence of You

“The black sandal.”

“OMG, where is he? How come another person came out from his room?”

“He left because he knew i stalk him?”

“He must be scare of me until he ran away.”

“Or maybe he forgot to book the room and someone else took the room.”

Those were the words in my mind when i didn’t see him come out from the room, instead another guy. He left already, but he still in here studying. He must have booked another block. Maybe scare of me stalking him.

When i came here after semester break, i saw the black sandal which i thought it was his. But little did i know that the sandal wasn’t him but another guy’s sandal. I was surprise that he’s in the room with his sandal outside cause normally he will not put his sandal outside. In that case, i will know whether he’s in the room or not based on the sandal. If the sandal is outside, most probably he’s in the room and vice versa.

Who is he? He is a guy staying a few rooms away from mine. At first i didn’t notice about him until the middle of last semester. The first time i had a short, short conversation with him was when i was doing my laundry and he came. I was blocking his way and i politely apologies. Guess what he replied? He said never mind in Mandarin. Since then, i labelled him as good person. If I’m not mistaken after that incident i notice about this guy. He is not a handsome, or hunk or cutie. But he is lean. Once i saw him topless, he’s lean almost zero fat and dark skin which contrast with this upper body skin colour. Another thing that captured me was the way he walked. Haha. He’s so sissy in walking. He’s like poh soon han but less sissy than psh. Haha. He’s just the se man type. That really captures me a lot. Besides, his voice was soft unlike me. A very very se man type la. i fantasized about him and as time pass by, i kind of fall for him. It wasn’t really like him. Just fantasized about him a lot.

Besides that, we always met each other everywhere. Not because we were staying in the same block but we saw each other outside our dormitory. Then, thanks to my creative mind, i said it was kind of destiny to meet each other very often. In 5 days, i almost met him every day. There were once he was at the pantry reading his book and i came in refilling my bottle. Only both of us were there. I was surprise to see him there. Awkward. I felt shy. After refilled, i quickly walked away. Thinking back all those sweet moment (at least to me it is) put a smile in my face. However, all those moment were flushed down the toilet when i saw another guy came out from his room. That means another new tenant occupying the room no. 52.

There was one morning i heard the opening-door sound from the room, i was excited thinking might be him coming out. Then mana tau another guy coming out from the room. My heart ached. This happened on the first week. This contributed why i cried. You see, when you hoping a thing so much and it doesn’t happen the way you want it, you will definitely devastated. I was down at that time plus the pressure from the studies and a bit of homesick. Haiz. I miss him. Not that i WANT him, just that i can see him and that’s fine. That’s enough. My heart was broken as if we were broke up. I want to listen to Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Heart and Better In Time. My heart bleed, literally...

I hope he didn’t purposely changed his room because of me. May be he scare of me stalking at him every day. No! I didn’t stalk him. Just that fate brought us together. If he changed his room because of me, i’m kinda like bian tai lo always stalk him. No! Then, another reason was may be he forgot to book in advance for the same room. Why am i thinking like this? Does this makes me feel better or i just trying to defend him? OMG!!!

Nevertheless, he’s gone for good or bad. Only heaven knows. Maybe i should start stop thinking of him since he gonna finish his SAM and i’m gonna leave next year. There is a saying in Cantonese saying short term pain is better than long term pain. I’m getting use without him. Saying this as if for the last semester i lived for him. NO!! I will be good without him and who know’s i would find better one, right?