2008/2009

Based on what Lillian Too predicted for me on 2008 and 2009, i should be having ok-ok year. If not, should be fabulous year. My zodiac is snake and according to Flying Star Feng Shui, #9 and #8 fly to my snake sector which is SE3. So, i should be having good good years. So yeah, 2008 is a bit better compare to 2007 (2007 is a disastrous to me) and 2009 is a good year. 2008 is like recuperating year after deadly 2007 - nothing very good happen and nothing very bad happen. 2009 is enjoying the good year and i have to say, it is good one after 2006. I can tell you i don’t have a good time after 2006, which i was form 5. So that means, i don’t have good times after secondary school. I was and still stuck in 2006. No matter how bad years in secondary school, i will still be laughing around and playing around cause i got really great friends at that time.

I am going to write about what i had encountered from 2008 to now, 2009. One word to sum up 2008/2009 is exploration.

Yes, i am like a sailor or like Laksamana Cheng Ho in old days exploring what’s the real me. What’s the essence of me. And fortunately the product i got is fruitful. I explored a lot and i gain a lot too. Thankfully i am strong enough to accept myself wholly and gracefully. And i am proud of myself and not fearing what i have explored.

What i mentioned above is my sexual orientation. Thinking back, i was gay for long long years already; just that i don’t it is gay thingy. As far as i can remember, i surf gay porn website in my lower secondary school or so. The only thing i can think of is incest gay porn website – adult men f***king young boys. At that time i was shock and couldn’t believe there is such thing on earth! Then somehow i moved to Sean Cody website and i am still downloading their movies or rather porn.

It sounds so funny after being gay for almost 5 years, i just realised i’m gay last year? Haha. Well, i didn’t know or think i am gay back then. Maybe i’m just ignorant or just don’t have any idea of gay. After reading gay first ever gay blog in October 2008, i found out myself is gay. By the way that first ever blog is Robb’s. Oh shit, whatever i did back then was gay!! Fine. I didn’t bang my head to the wall or kneeing down crying asking God why am i gay?? So dramatic. I accept the fact or maybe i accepted the fact long time ago.

Seriously i didn’t shock on what happen on me. Instead, i enjoyed. I enjoyed looking those sexy, cute male models. Got a hard on down there. Maybe i already accepted myself gay. Just that i didn’t think about that. Not forgetting gay porn blog. Loses my seeds after knowing that website.

The reason that makes me thought i’m gay is after reading those gay blog. I was gayer than when in secondary school. After reading those blogs, i realise the same thing happen on those gay blogger do happen on me making me a gay like them. Some of them are openly gay while some just in the closet.

When i read their lovey-dovey stories about the blogger and his bf, i feel warmed and touched. Somehow or rather gay couples are more sweet or romantic than straight couples. I would hug my pillow while reading their stories. Occasionally i would image i having bf and the imagination gone wild and wilder till now i never image myself with gf. I used to imagine how nice i having gf. But now i never imagine or even thought of gf! It’s like pain in my ass thinking gf.

I love reading gay blog actually. I hardly find straight blog la. I wonder if the straight blogger would write better than the gays? The blogs that i love most is nase’s blog. He writes beautifully and the content always gives me a smile on my face. I love it!

From reading blogs, i got to know the blogger’s life as a gay. It’s strange that they are leading to a normal and healthy live though they are not normal as other homophobic labelled them. Yah you may say: so gross seeing 2 guys having anal sex. But hey, you think straight guy don’t f**k girl in her asshole? No! There are porn showing straight guy having anal sex with girl. So now don’t you think it’s gross? That girl will also having the feeling to shit like the gays. Is it like slapping yourself? You say gay anal sex gross, but you didn’t think straight guy anal sex girl gross? You enjoy it!

So now i know there are some people like me living happily out there. Gosh, you that feeling of founding someone has the same happening like you is so delight. So i am normal. Yeah!!

In 2009, which i moved to university, i attracted or fell in love with someone looks like Anthony Sandstorm. Hardly fell in love la. Just that i see him, he see me that kind of thing lo. How nice he’s my classmates. How nice in next semester i got a new classmate is bent. Plus, if he is single and ready to mingle and we are fond to each other... stop dreaming scotty!! Besides him, i don’t see any other gay or possible candidates in my uni. So straight uni.

With one year plus of reading gay blog anonymously, i did leave some footprint on their blog by commenting. I will not reveal myself until i’m ready for it. Indeed, 2008/2009 is an adventurous and exploration year for me. I got to know myself better than never. I anticipating 2010 cause my instinct tells me it’s going to be a good year though aunt Lillian might want to object it.

p.s. there is still a small chance i might turn straight cause i am not fully 100% gay as i don’t have sex with guys nor gay friends. But i want a bf more that gf. That makes me gay kua....