Post Semester 3 Post

I should have known it. Or i should say i know it before this semester starts.

Before the semester starts i already knew i will to settle my dinner alone. I messaged them (sow & huoi) whether eating dinner tonight or not. They said NO. That means i would eat dinner alone again. Before this in the afternoon i already expect i will be eating alone.

Last semester THEY already shown this syndrome but luckily enough i had kc to accompany me. Now that kc is not studying anymore, i don’t any a company to eat dinner with me. Now, night has been a fear to me. I’m scare of nighttimes. Not that I’m scare of dark or ghost, i am scare to be alone. For instance, in the morning class, i was laughing like crazy people but after when i’m alone in my room this afternoon, i started to thinking nonsense again. That means i need a company so much.

I’m actually okay if i eat alone or eating at room. Just that i really mind what others will think about me. I mind if my other people or my classmates saw me eating alone. They surely thinking why Scotty eating alone. Or maybe other people that i don’t know won’t think this way. Just that i’m thinking too much.

To make things worse, inti is going green and banned using polystyrene. Instead, we will have to use a biodegradable food container and we have to pay extra 30 cent for it!! They should have not charge us 30 cent extra for the container mah... That means if i want to eat take out, I’ll have to pay extra 30 cent every time.

I just found out that my classmate, Shake is staying opposite my room only. His room is H4-31 which opposite with mine. This is not a good new to me. I don’t know why, i can predict things accurately. Before knowing where his room is, i have the intuition that his room gonna be opposite my room. Surely true. With him staying opposite, he can easily know my whereabouts. All he could do is to open the door and look for me. He can even know me whether i am at room or not. He would know i’m all day in the room. If i don’t go out to eat dinner, he would also know. Argh, my stupid brain is thinking too much again. Maybe he doesn’t bother whether i’m at room whole day or not. I’m just worried about this and that. Who cares if he’s talking at my back with other friends that i have no one to eat dinner with?

Looks like what i mind is how people look at me. I am always like that since young. Maybe i should be less mind what others thinking about me. I should not too mind what others talk and think about me. I should be thinking: so what if i eat alone!! I should be HAPPY!!

Initially i decide not to eat dinner, so that i can on diet. But after further consideration, i should eat outside, alone. That’s sound like i’m avoiding, rite? I’m just like that. I’ll be eating at Bakery later 6 pm for better or worse.

************update on 10.26 pm***********

I ate my dinner at Bakery as i mentioned. I did take a lot of courage to walk up to Bakery alone and eat there!! Bravo to me. I should be doing this often. In order to be brave and not minding what others look & think about me, i need to do that. When i get used to it, i don’t care how other people look or talked about me. So what if i eat alone? There was one guy also eating alone there.

Everything went smoothly until i saw one of my classmates, SK over there. OMG!!! I hope she won’t gossipping around saying me eating alone. Is it a shame to eat alone?

She was with her bf!! OMFGG (Oh My Fucking GaGa)!!! Her bf was normal lah. Quite big size. Not really a hunk. I guess SK likes big size ppl so that can give security, kua? Anyway, to me, they are not a cute couple lah. My Singapore’s aunt was a cute couple with her husband. Or maybe her husband more handsome than SK’s bf. I’m so bias!!!

After eating my meal (quite heavy. I not hungry till now), i walked back to my room. Besides washing my clothes and shower, i stay inside my room. After reading many blogs, i’m a bit better now. Maybe the night is almost finish so do my fears... I think i would worried again tomorrow night. When this whole fear and worries are over? Hopefully after the assignment and report coming in, i would be preoccupied with them and not think nonsense...